I'll acknowledge up front that this blog will likely be my most controversial to date. I've tried to keep my opinions on huge issues like politics, religion, celebrities and even sports to myself (you'll be surprised the kind of mine field that can be, just look at the Jordan vs. Lebron GOAT debate!). I've tried to offer information and opinions that are positive, helpful or thought provoking, as my fundamental belief about my blog posts are that they be uplifting and promote kindness. The world needs more of that. And it is in this same vein that I am offering a take on a parenting issue that will likely be seen as going against the current these days. This blog has been sitting in my drafts for quite some time, since the latter part of 2021 to be exact. I've gone back and forth about even writing about this issue, because most people just want to stay in their own lane throughout life. I am hoping that the information and opinion in this blog resonates with some, and my goal is to promote healthy change and to develop healthy perspective for individuals and the immediate community alike. So here is my unpopular opinion on kids and smart phones/devices and social media consumption; please insert the 'oh crap' emoji.
A recent, nationally representative and probability-based sample survey of 1,306 young people from ages 8-18, found that from 2015 to 2021, the number of tweens (8-12) who had their own smart phone went up from 24% to 43%, and the number of teens (13-18) went up from 67% to 88%. Essentially, by the age of 14, 91% of young people will own a smart phone. The survey also indicated that 64% of tweens and 77% of teens watch online videos "every day", for an average of an hour and 40 minutes for tweens and an hour and 45 minutes for teens. Online videos include content from YouTube, TikTok, Snapchat and a few other popular apps. This figure only considers online video use, and when looked at the broader trend of screen media usage (television, online or console gaming, content creation, etc.), the numbers might be more unsettling: tweens consume an estimated screen time total of 5 hours and 33 minutes a day, and teens consume 8 hours and 39 minutes! The writers were careful to mention that these figures might account for tweens and teens using two different screens at once (scrolling through social media on a smart phone while watching television for example), which can be a little misleading. As an example, 1 hour of social media and one hour of television time may total 2 hours in the survey, but may only be 1 real time hour, considering that these activities were done at the same time. Either way, it would appear that screen time is a large part of the tweens and teens day. When asked what sites/apps teens use the most, 67% of the media consumption was split between YouTube, TikTok and Snapchat (24%, 22% and 21% respectively).
Some professionals suggest that a child shouldn't even own a smart phone until at least the 8th grade. Other professionals, such as the American Academy of Pediatrics, suggest that age is not as important of a factor, but rather evidence of cognitive, emotional and social maturity. I have found myself to be in the latter camp, and the analogy that I use with parents is this; I would never allow my 7 year old and his 4 year old brother to take a gun to the range and assume they will use it safely, much less say, 'meh, they'll get it right'. Can you imagine?! Ideally, I would teach my boys about gun safety first, get them used to being around firearms, and assess their cognitive, emotional and social maturity. It should be a process, a right of passage. The same, in my humble opinion, should be said for internet, smart phone/devices and social media consumption. There is a plethora of literature already linking social media use and mental health issues such as depression, anxiety, isolation, loneliness and suicidal ideation. Some studies are even aimed at establishing causality of social media consumption to increased rates of the before mentioned mental health issues. I work with individuals as young as 13 on up, and the overwhelming majority of young people on my case load have discussed with me issues related to social media consumption and poor mental health. Not only does it include depression and anxiety symptoms, but the isolation and loneliness that these individuals experience is heartbreaking. It has become harder and harder for the younger generation to truly connect to others these days, despite the increased access to one another through social media, and it seems that critical thinking skills, socialization and the ability to develop deep and meaningful relationships are slowly becoming ancient ways of living. The expectations that some of my clients feel like they have to meet are overwhelming and unattainable, they have found that fitting in and connecting is difficult, and depressive thoughts all too often shift into low self-worth, poor self-esteem and even suicidal ideation for some. Surely this is anecdotal evidence, but I am curious what other mental health professionals like me are seeing when it comes to these trends I see playing out with younger people and social media consumption; I am willing to bet that they see something similar.
Let's not also forget that the internet can be a toxic and dangerous place. It is easier for our most vulnerable to be bullied, preyed upon and victimized. The average age children are first exposed to pornography is around 11-13 years old. Some surveys have identified the range to be as early as 5 or 6. Access to pornographic material is much, much easier now with a smart phone. Some research suggests that children under the age of 10 now account for 22% of online pornography consumption of those surveyed 18 years and younger (for more information, click here). Suffice it to say, the young male brain is not capable to handle the dopamine that floods the system at such a young age; you might as well allow the child to shoot up heroin. In fact, one study demonstrated that the amount of dopamine released into the brain of a child from watching pornographic acts was equal to or greater than that of injecting heroin. Adult brains can hardly handle the effects of pornography, much less our children, and yet we've unwittingly allowed our children unfettered access to a harmful and detrimental form of media consumption.
Bullying is also a rampant issue online, and apps like Snapchat allow kids to cover their tracks easier. 31% of bullying occurs in the 6th grade alone, and 71% of teachers and students alike have admitted to witnessing bullying. We've heard the stories about children completing the act of suicide because of bullying, and social media has been found to be one of the avenues of kids bullying and excluding others; we have coined the term 'cyber-bullying' now, and most schools are very aware of this happening within their own four walls. It can be hard to monitor what our kids are doing online as it is, to also have an app that automatically deletes interactions when you exit it.
I have adults, both young and old, describing to me the frustrations and horrors they encounter when trying to connect and date through social media sites. We've never been lonelier and yet more 'connected' in our history. Depression, body image issues, poor socialization and anxiety are increasing across the board. We have a deep need to connect with others, so much so that our brains are already hard-wired for this connection and intimately connected to our mental and emotional health (a topic for a different blog perhaps), and yet technology has made this fundamental need even more elusive to meet. Internet use, social media consumption and access to online content can be a great tool, but certainly an instrument of human destruction as well. It is difficult to suggest that our responsibility as parents might have been uninformed when deciding when to allow our kids to own a smartphone or begin accessing the internet.
It may be easy to read this information and feel judged or guilty at this point. I know I did. I can understand how this might lead some to be angry or defensive. Perhaps that train has already left for some of you, in terms of allowing your kids to have a smart phone with little to no supervision, in the hopes that 'meh, they'll get it right'. There is still hope, and there are still things you can do. Talk to your kids about the internet, social media and their habits. Learning to broach this difficult subject can help you develop skills to broach other difficult topics as well. It's ok to say "hey, based on some new information I came across, I want to make some changes." Engage with your kids, nieces, nephews, friends or loved ones. There are resources out there for parents; AT&T and the American Academy of Pediatrics partnered to create a 10 question, evidenced-based screen tool to help parents decide when their children are ready for the responsibilities and challenges that come with owning a smart phone (you can find that here). Another great resource is the Family Media Plan, where you can tailor media use to "balance screen time, set boundaries for accessing content, gives suggestions on dealing with cyber bullying and encourage age-appropriate critical thinking and digital literacy." You can speak with a professional about how to have these conversations with your children, family or loved ones. There are even efforts in some communities by parents to band together and start a support group of sorts, to have their children meet one another and avoid the pressures of having to provide a smart phone to their young ones, while some of their peers are getting them. Other recommendations include starting kids off with phones that have limited capabilities, to begin with a 'soft intro' to owning a device.
I believe that our culture has shifted toward accidentally disconnecting from others. Our children, the younger generation, will likely have different mental and emotional health struggles than what I had growing up. I also believe that we can begin to impact and change that culture as well. Through being intentional in our relationships with others, honing our social skills and learning how to use social media in healthier ways, we may be able to improve our own mental and emotional health, as well as the health of the people in our life. I am hoping that the information and opinion packaged in this blog has been helpful and educational, and I'm hoping to promote healthy habits and foster important conversations.
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